You know you’re a lesbian when: You put your finger in it instead.
OH GOD, I ONLY EVER PUT MY FINGERS IN THEM.
I did both…
i did both. i also bent it, what does that tell me now
You kinky son of a bitch.
i did both
i also remember sticking it in my mouth i’m not even kidding i can’t even make this shit up
This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:
do people think this is like really romantic or something he can’t hold her because he has fucking scissors for hands
no people think it’s really fucking sad ‘cause he loves her and cant hold her because he has SCISSORS FOR HANDS
Via Life....An Unwritten Book
i could not consciously go to bed tonight without reblogging this
school board when they talking about whether to cancel school or not
Kind of like lava lamps but better! These jellyfish are real. They have died of natural causes, been harvested by these lamp makers, frozen in liquid nitrogen and encased in crystalline epoxy. They glow in the dark, due to the jellyfishes’ natural bioluminescence.
it is my duty to reblog everything involving bioluminescence
finally, my room can look like blackreach
Short people are closer to the ground and closer to satan